Chuck vs the Ringmaster Episode 3x01
by spectacular failure
Summary: What's next for Kung-Fu Chuck and the team? How are Big Mike and the Buy Morons going to survive with Emmett as the boss-man? Finally, now that Chuck is once again the Intersect where does that leave his new relationship with Sarah?


I wrote this for my wife for Mother's day. It takes place after the season 2 finale. She suggested that I share since there may be others jonesing for a little Chuck fix now that we are (hopefully) waiting for Season 3. Standard disclaimers, whatever those are. I do not own Chuck – this is a weak drink compared to the high-grade stuff that Josh, Chris, and team are peddling. Comments are encouraged, but please be gentle, this is my first time.

Minor edits for clarity (Thanks, Estee!) on 5/17.

Chuck vs. the Ringmaster

Season 3, Episode 1

Mother's day 2009

For Lisa,

You not only tolerate my obsessions, you join in.

********

[Three-ring Circus tent setting. There is no audience and the tent is relatively dark. Sarah is being held by two Clowns – one holding each arm – against a backdrop for a knife-throwing act. She is in a Circus costume and makes it look good. Chuck is also in costume and surrounded by various Circus-folk – many of whom are currently pointing guns at him or at Sarah. One person, dressed as a Circus Ringmaster is clearly in charge.]

RINGMASTER  
[A bundle of throwing knives is given to Chuck] Well she certainly knows her knives. Now it's your turn.

CHUCK  
How about water balloons? I throw a mean balloon.

RINGMASTER  
Now, or we shoot you both.

CHUCK  
[Under breath] Come, on. Flash. [Agent raises gun at Sarah and Chuck flashes with some images of clowns and circus acts.] I know juggling. [Panic, followed by an idea]

[Chuck mouths "Trust me" to Sarah before he throws the first knife with feigned awkwardness. It hits Sarah's arm perfectly – hilt first. This startles the agent holding Sarah's arm enough to let go. Sarah catches the knife on the rebound and uses it to stab the agent holding her other arm. Chuck throws the whole bundle of knives into the air over his head scattering those agents around him. He then uses his new Intersect juggling skill to pluck each of them from the air and – using a juggling pass – deliver them to Sarah (who of course puts them to good use). After Sarah has downed all the other agents, she and The Ringmaster engage in some hand-to-hand combat. The Ringmaster provides Sarah with the requisite beating and appears to have the upper hand]

RINGMASTER  
You're over-matched. I'm not some Fulcrum Agent. [Has her from behind choking her] You're playing with the big boys now. [She uses her heel to kick his groin and then quickly finishes him off.]

SARAH  
Seems your big boys [looking with contempt at his "groinal area"] don't like to play rough. [An agent, dressed as a clown, has managed to remove the knife that Sarah embedded in his leg and put it at Chuck's neck as he was trying to help Sarah.]

CHUCK  
[To Sarah] I'm sorry. Still a little bit of a work in progress. [Sarah raises her arms in surrender as the Ringmaster begins to collect himself off the ground with an evil grin on his face. There is a gunshot and the Clown holding Chuck collapses. Sarah kicks the Ringmaster in the face - out cold. Casey walks into the shot with gun drawn.]

CHUCK  
I thought that you were scared of Clowns.

CASEY  
They're less scary when they're dead.

[Roll Opening Credits]

----- COMMERCIAL -----

ZAC  
[Looking as nerdy as possible, talking directly to the camera] Gentlemen, putting on a pair of Levi jeans is the guy equivalent of this:

[Cut to Yvonne doing the standard teen-movie ugly duckling to prom queen transformation montage. She starts off with clunky glasses, her hair tied up and frumpy clothes. Once she has made the transition to "Prom Queen" she says:

YVONNE  
Ladies and Gentlemen, wouldn't you like your guy to look like this: [Cut back to Zac in glamour mode with flowing hair.]

Voice Over

Levi's jeans. Making [shot of Zac and Yvonne's jean-clad posteriors] look awesome since 1873. Watch for more transformations on Chuck Season 3, Thursday's at eight on NBC.

------ END COMMERCIAL ------

[Secret Intersect Location (SIL) immediately following the events of Season 2 episode 22 – Chuck vs. the Ring]

[Caption at bottom of screen reads: "5 days earlier"]

CHUCK  
Guys, I know Kung-Fu. [Stands stunned]

CASEY  
Get the door.

SARAH  
No, we've got to get Bryce.

CASEY  
No time, Walker. We don't know how many could still be out there and we have an Intersect to protect again. [They gather weapons and check on the agents that Chuck neutralized – they are out cold.] Lock it down. [Doors close and seal]

*******

[Closing time at Buy More, doors close and seal]

EMMETT  
Line up, people. [Buy More "roll-call" lineup, Jeff and Lester stand next to Big Mike] In case anyone else is thinking of following Morgan's lead, remember this: when he comes crawling back, known as seven-finger Grimes, begging for a job, there won't be one. [Lester and Jeff try to figure out how Morgan would cut off three fingers, Emmet stops in front of them.] You think that you two jokers could get a job somewhere else? And you, [Emmet turns to Big Mike only to find that he is now sitting down in his "Mafia" chair.] I know you're behind this. [In Big Mike's ear] I may not be able to fire you. Due to you being [looks him up and down], an ex-manager. But the rest of these people are fair game. Think about it. [To everyone] Shape up people; your jobs here are not secure.

********

[Back at the SIL]

SARAH  
We're secure, what now?

CASEY  
Contact Beckman and wait for extraction.

CHUCK  
[Snapping out of his stupor] No, wait. Beckman can't know about the Intersect. I mean… [points to his head]

CASEY  
That's not how this works Bartowski.

CHUCK  
I'm done with her threatening me with a secure facility every other mission --its different now. I know Kung Fu. [Casey puts his hand on Chuck's face and shoves him down out of the frame.] Ow. Okay, there's still some room for improvement.

SARAH  
Casey! [Helping Chuck up] Chuck, what happened before? How did you?

CHUCK  
I don't know Sarah; this new Intersect is different. It's more than data.

SARAH  
Are you okay? We'll get your Dad, he'll be able to…

CHUCK  
No. I destroyed the only cube. And anyway, my Dad didn't do this. I know him; he's too paranoid to give anyone this much power.

CASEY  
What power? The Intersect gives a little Kung Fu puppet show and I'm supposed to be impressed. There were only six.

SARAH  
Casey's right. What happens when there are more? You don't even know if you can control it.

CHUCK  
[To Sarah] Then you help me. Keep the mission you've already got. Protect Chuck. Save the world. It wasn't so bad, was it?

SARAH  
It had its moments. But we, can't pretend …

CHUCK  
Sarah, look, I get that I can't walk away. This time I signed up. I'll be that guy. Just not on Beckman's terms.

*********

[Buy More media room. Emmett walks in escorted by Lester and Jeff to see Big Mike. Emmett dismisses Lester and Jeff with a wave of his hand and after getting a nod from Big Mike they exit the room.]

BIG MIKE  
What are your terms?

EMMETT  
You become my new assistant manager. As my Ass-man, you keep the store running smoothly and none of your losers get to try to find a dry-spot under a bridge.

BIG MIKE  
And my Fish?

EMMETT  
NO FISH. But there's some room for negotiation on the donuts…

BIG MIKE  
All right.

EMMETT  
What was that?

BIG MIKE  
Okay, I'll do it.

EMMETT  
Excellent. I knew you could be reasonable. Oh, and one more thing, to prove your loyalty, fire those two losers now.

BIG MIKE  
[Sigh] Send them in on your way out.

[Emmett leaves and Lester and Jeff enter.]

Gentlemen. Or whatever term is appropriate for you two. I have some good news and some bad news. I have a plan, but it means firing you. Just for awhile – nothing permanent.

JEFF  
Wait, which one's the bad news?

LESTER  
What will we do in the meantime?

BIG MIKE  
Talk to Chuck, maybe he can help.

********

[Back to the SIL]

CHUCK  
You and me Sarah, saving the world. We do have extensive job experience.

CASEY  
What did we just learn Bartowski?

CHUCK  
[Pause] Casey, do you want to help us save the world?

CASEY  
[Satisfied yes-grunt]

SARAH  
Would a "yes" kill you?

CHUCK  
Team Bartowski!

CASEY  
[Displeasure grunt] Team Casey and no hugs.

----- COMMERCIAL -----

[Non-actor "Jane" flanked by Zac, Yvonne, and a trainer from the biggest loser at a Subway]

JANE  
Hi, I'm Jane, winner of this season's Biggest Loser – Couch Potato edition. With the help of my trainers, awesome inspiration from Zac and Yvonne, and healthy meal choices like the Subway Fresh Fit choices I lost 100 pounds in support of my favorite NBC show Chuck. So get off the couch – at least when you are not watching Chuck at 8 Thursdays on NBC and most of all -- remember to eat fresh at Subway.

------ END COMMERCIAL ------

CASEY  
[Referring to the Ring Agents that "Kung Fu" Chuck has neutralized] So what's your plan for these guys. They're not dead. Yet. You ready to kill them to protect your secret? [Hands Chuck a gun]

CHUCK  
What? No, I'm not going to kill them.

CASEY  
So your plan is to ask them nicely? Welcome to the real world Chuck. This time you signed up.

CHUCK  
[Refusing to shoot the lead agent as he regains consciousness] I didn't sign up for this.

[Agent grabs Chuck's gun, turns it toward Chuck and is shot by Casey.]

CASEY  
I did.

CHUCK  
[Reacting to the death in front of him] Neaahh! Okay, okay. First of all, thank you for saving my life, for like the hundredth time. Second, we can't just kill the rest of them in cold blood.

CASEY  
I'm fine letting them wake up and killing 'em in self-defense.

CHUCK  
We'll have to hand them over to Beckman.

SARAH  
We can't do that. She'll have them interrogated and you'll be back to a secure underground scenario.

CHUCK  
*Colonel* Casey, you think that you could convince Beckman to let you interrogate them?

CASEY  
I see where you're going Bartowski. I'll leave out the part where Chuck downloaded the Intersect – again – if we agree to set this up as a proper operation. I know Walker here has a soft spot for Rogue operations but I'm not a fan. We report to Beckman. We're gonna need her intel and backup anyway.

CHUCK  
You think her offer to make me an asset still stands?

CASEY  
I'll talk to her. You know Beckman is not going to go for this arrangement if you two lovebirds can't keep it professional. You two ready for that?

CHUCK  
[One of Zac's sad-noble looks (patent pending)] One mission at a time. Right, Sarah?

[No *verbal* response from Sarah]

*******

[Ellie's apartment. Suitcases and other evidence that Devon and Ellie have returned from their honeymoon. Chuck enters.]

CHUCK  
Sis, you guys are back. How was it?

DEVON  
It was awesome.

ELLIE  
Too short. But what can we do?

DEVON  
Can't stay away from the life-saving business very long. Right Chuck?

CHUCK  
Yeah, I had hoped you guys would change your mind and decide to extend your stay.

ELLIE  
Wanted the place to yourself a little longer? I noticed you and Sarah disappeared early from the reception. How's it going?

CHUCK  
You know Sarah and me, one minute to the next, never can tell.

ELLIE  
Chuck, she does love you and clearly you love her. You're on a roll. You've quit the Buy More. Take the next step with Sarah.

CHUCK  
'cause nothing says commitment like quitting your job.

ELLIE  
Seriously, Chuck. Have Sarah move in here with you. Devon and I are moving out.

CHUCK  
What? No. I'll find a place. This is your apartment.

DEVON  
We're finding a new place.

CHUCK  
Because of me?

DEVON  
No, for another reason.

ELLIE  
There was an unfortunate encounter with Devon's parents during the reception. We're selling the bed too. And, as if I needed another reason to move out, we found Lester and Jeff in your room when we got back. They're in there now waiting for you.

Promise you'll think about it?

CHUCK  
I will sis. [Hug] Good to have you back and congratulations. To both of you, 'Bro.

********

[Chuck enters his room, Jeff has made himself comfortable in his boxers in Chuck's chair while Lester has taken the TRON poster off the wall and is beginning to examine the back of the poster on the bed.]

CHUCK  
What are you doing? That's private. [Taking away the TRON poster.]

LESTER  
What is that? [Referring to the diagram on the back of the poster]

CHUCK  
I'm trying to figure out Heroes season three. Do you guys have any sense of boundaries?

JEFF  
What do you mean?

CHUCK  
Pants, for example. Why are you guys here anyway? Isn't Emmett just looking for an excuse to fire you two?

LESTER  
Big Mike already fired us.

CHUCK  
What? Big Mike fired you? How…

JEFF  
Had too, it was part of the plan.

CHUCK  
Plan, what plan?

JEFF  
The plan to, ah, hmm.

LESTER  
Yeah, we don't really know the plan.

JEFF  
But there is one. And Big Mike told us to talk to you for a job in the meantime. Do you have any more gigs for Jeffster?

CHUCK  
'cause the last one went so well…

I don't know why Big Mike sent you to me. I don't work there anymore. I can't help you.

LESTER  
[Shaking head] The King hath killed his heart. Come on, throw us a bone, Charles. What about your girlfriend, are they hiring at the Orange Orange?

CHUCK  
Last I heard they're closing the Orange Orange. Have you tried Subway? I hear they've had good luck with Buy More employees.

LESTER  
See, that's what I'm talking about. Excellent suggestion. No fried foods, I can do that. Jeff, let's go.

JEFF  
Mmm. Footlong…

*********

[In the castle. Beckman on monitor]

GENERAL BECKMAN  
Another job, another unique outcome for Operation Bartowski. I must admit that without your intervention it would have been much, much worse. Agent Larkin was a credit to his profession and a true patriot, he will be sorely missed. Now, thanks in large part to Casey's interrogation, we have a much clearer picture of exactly what we're up against.

Mr. Bartowski, am I to understand that you wish to change your mind and acknowledge the call of your country?

CHUCK  
How exactly does my country show up on caller ID? [No reaction from the General] Sorry, yes, I'm in.

GENERAL BECKMAN  
Casey, your PowerPoint proposal is very well reasoned. [Surprise from Chuck at another unexpected Casey skill] I must say that I was surprised that you chose to continue your involvement, but I assume you have your reasons. We'll proceed with your proposal for now. Casey, you and agent Walker will resume your duties protecting the asset. Chuck with his unique history with the intersect and with Orion –

CHUCK  
a.k.a, my dad.

GENERAL BECKMAN  
-- will set up a new Covert Hypercomputing And Ring Abatement Hub there in Burbank to develop the intersect technology needed to identify and eliminate the various elements of the Ring.

SARAH  
General, what information do we have on the Ring?

GENERAL BECKMAN  
There has always been fringe intel suggesting a larger organization with sleeper cells for unknown purposes. But until this latest intersect incident these reports were written off as paranoid speculation. Reports of Physical therapists, Mortgage Lenders, even Hibachi chefs – there was just no logic to the chatter.

Now we are getting reports of a sleeper cell activated within the Circus currently setting up downtown. Casey, I want you and Agent Walker to go undercover and check it out. Be extremely cautious, even though you two were able to handle the Ring agents in the intersect facility; indications are that they are more lethal than Fulcrum.

CHUCK  
And, let me guess, I'll just stay in the car?

GENERAL BECKMAN  
No, you won't be going at all. You have no skill set to add to this mission.

CHUCK  
Sorry, old habits…

GENERAL BECKMAN  
You can monitor and call for backup if it will make you feel better. You and Colonel Casey are dismissed. Agent Walker, a private word please. [Casey and Chuck leave] I wanted to express to you my condolences regarding Agent Larkin. As your partner, I know that you two were, well, close and I'm sorry for your loss. In light of your chosen profession, I trust future relationships will be kept professional.

SARAH  
Yes, Ma'am.

*******

[Castle. After Beckman's call, as they prep for the mission]

CHUCK  
Again, why am I going instead of you? You heard the General.

CASEY  
Because you're the Intersect, remember?

SARAH  
And because he's afraid of clowns

CASEY  
I'm not afraid of clowns. They just freak me out – even more than the suburbs.

CHUCK  
Someday we are going to have an interesting conversation about your childhood.

CASEY  
No, we're not.

CHUCK  
[Points up]Wait, aren't they recording us?

SARAH  
We were able to convince the General to remove the bugs in Castle. Since she believes you're no longer the Intersect we don't have to monitor you at work.

CHUCK  
What about at home? [Casey grunts no] Great, I can always come to work to get a little privacy…

CASEY  
Oh, and Walker's moving in with you. [Having fun tormenting them] Gotta protect the cover.

CHUCK  
[Sarah looks to Chuck to see his reaction] Okay then. I guess that's been decided for us.

So what's my cover for the mission?

CASEY  
You could always juggle.

CHUCK  
I don't know how to Juggle.

CASEY  
Really Bartowski? How'd you live with that gaping hole in your Nerd résumé? You'll do fine as the assistant for Walker's knife act. You're a natural-born target.

*******

[Back to the Circus, immediately after the opening scene. Casey, Sarah, and Chuck are surrounded by the neutralized bodies of the Ring agents. To the confusion of Chuck and Sarah, Casey hurriedly starts taking off his body armor and goggles]

CASEY  
[To Chuck] Strip, now.

CHUCK  
What?

CASEY  
Do it. Now. [Chuck begins to strip.]

SARAH  
What's going on?

CASEY  
Chuck, here was monitoring the field agents – that's you and me Walker – and called for the backup that will be here any second.

[Sarah understands and tries to help Chuck but he resists because he doesn't understand what is going on]

[Casey stops in frustration] Look Moron, you were never here. You stayed in Castle because you are not the Intersect. So you can't be in those clothes.

Now Chuck understands and he (with Sarah's assistance) puts on Casey's body armor while Casey finishes putting on Chuck's outfit as the backup agents storm the scene.]

LEAD AGENT  
Agent Bartowski? Which one of you is agent Bartowski?

CHUCK  
That would be me.

LEAD AGENT  
Status report?

CHUCK  
Yeah, we're. We're good here. Sorry. Yeah. Guess I over-reacted. The field agents, Casey and Sarah, er, Walker here handled the situation. Situation, under control.

CASEY  
[Taking the agent aside] He's new here.

LEAD AGENT  
He should talk to Agent Carmichael. I hear he's the badass around here...

********

[The apartment in transition as Devon and Ellie move out and Sarah moves in. Movers enter and exit throughout the scene.]

ELLIE  
[Hugging Sarah] Oh, I'm just so happy for the two of you.

SARAH  
Well, the timing seems right and with the two of you moving out I guess that's just fate…

ELLIE  
Remember, not everything needs to stay. Just because you have the room doesn't mean to you have to use it.

SARAH  
Well, for now I think we're going to leave Chuck's room as is and I'll make our bedroom the way I like it. It will probably end up looking like his and her bedrooms.

CHUCK  
But of course, we won't be using them that way.

SARAH  
Of course not…

ELLIE  
So, little brother, what's next?

CHUCK  
El, you know how I've had all these crazy dreams about what I want to be? [Lester and Jeff have come over to talk to Chuck and have entered through the open front door but are not noticed amid the bustle of the movers.]

ELLIE  
Ninja, astronaut, Captain of the Millennium Falcon, Spy. Yeah, I know.

CHUCK  
Well, I'm kinda making that last one come true. [Concern from Ellie and Devon for different reasons] I'm going to open a Spy Store with Casey.

SARAH  
What kind of store?

CHUCK  
A Spy Store. You know. We'll sell video surveillance, bug detectors, long-range microphones [Ellie is looking very skeptical] We'll have corporate clients, maybe some Government contracts. You know I'm good with Electronics and Casey... Well, Casey used to be in Public Relations.

Just be happy for me Sis, this is a good thing.

DEVON  
That's awesome, Chuck.

ELLIE  
How on earth did you get that kind of money?

CHUCK  
Casey knows some Government people. They've given us a loan with very generous terms. Its part of the economic stimulus. It's possible they think we're a bank.

LESTER  
Couldn't help but overhear that you are opening a store.

JEFF  
A spy store – sweet.

LESTER  
So, Charles, how about a little nepotism?

CHUCK  
What about Subway?

LESTER  
Yeah, turns out Subway wasn't a good fit for us.

JEFF  
Apparently, sanitation is very important to them.

LESTER  
There was also some concern about Jeff's video hobby…

JEFF  
So what do you say? You've seen my work, the van speaks for itself. Covert contact is my passion.

CHUCK  
[Aside to Sarah] We don't actually have to sell anything, right?

SARAH  
Nope

CHUCK  
[Back to Jeff and Lester]You're hired.

JEFF  
Really? We won't let you down.

CHUCK  
Yes you will.

LESTER  
Yeah, yeah we will.

**********

[Standard Buy More Parking lot shot. Camera moves toward the entrance to reveal Emmett out front with a look of disgust. Camera turns sharply to follow his gaze to reveal another store in the Mall: "Spy Store". As the camera pulls in closer, we see Jeff and Lester in Spy Store Costume/uniform hanging a sign "Under new ownership." Seated in front of the store supervising, is Big Mike in a Spy Store Manager uniform.]

[Casey's apartment. Night. Casey, with headphones, cleans his gun in the glow provided by a pair of flat-screen TV's. He is monitoring separate video feeds of Sarah and Chuck sleeping -- each in their own room in the apartment. As he watches, Chuck's iPhone vibrates off the nightstand to the floor. A second later, it re-appears back on the nightstand. Casey stops cleaning, rewinds the video and watches the break in the video loop again.]

CASEY  
Sloppy Editing Bartowski

[He resumes cleaning his gun and…wait for it… Bon Iver's Creature Fear swells in the background. Fade to black]

End Episode 1

_If you liked this check out episode two "Chuck vs the Plot". Regardless, please let me know what you liked and what you didn't by clicking the review button below. Thanks!_


End file.
